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Choices, choices

02.12.2012 11.09
I’ve wanted to write about choices ever since I  saw  ”A narcissist destroyed my life” among  the headlines of a tabloid some time ago. I didn’t buy the tabloid and never read the article,  but seeing that statement gave me a lot to think about.  Another bitter story about how someone destroyed someone else’s life.

How come it’s always so easy to blame something or someone else  for our own misery or situation? You often hear people mentioning how alcohol or drugs, violent boyfriend, narcissist or even a difficult ex wife have destroyed the person’s life.  Rarely do you hear talk about how the person himself/herself started drinking too much or using drugs, or started seeing a person who turned out to be violent or narcissist and he/she decided to continue seeing this person anyway, or how he proposed to and married the woman who was difficult. If you think about it with common sense, you notice that all these kind of things are based on our own choices. Hardly ever does someone force us to drink alcohol or take drugs, to be in a relationship or to get married. So how can we blame anyone else but ourselves?

A girl I know once complained about her weight problem to me and told me it was all her boyfriend’s fault. She said it was very difficult getting rid of the extra weight as she had to eat a lot of chocolate and cookies because her boyfriend was so mean to her. I tried to express myself in the most diplomatic way I could and said that unless the man force fed her with the chocolate and cookies, he could not be blamed for her weight problems. It is herself who buys the chocolates and cookies from the store, brings them home and eats them. The boyfriend can be blamed for his mean behavior and that’s all. But in the end it was the girl who chose to go out with him and carry on the relationship. All of these have been her choices so how could she blame the boyfriend?

The great thing in life is we have the freedom to choose.
Every single day we make many choices; some of them are small and less meaningful, some are big and important. Whereas we choose what to wear in the morning, we can choose the mood we’re in and how we want to feel about the people and things that come across. We choose our friends and the people we have intimate relationships with. Of course there are things we can’t choose, like our parents or siblings, but we can choose how we feel about them. And the more positive we manage to feel about the people and things in our lives, the happier we are and the easier our life is.  

I’m sure everyone has made some bad choices along the way, and probable will do so also in the future, that’s only human. But luckily most of the times we have the possibility to make a new choice, change direction when we notice we’ve taken the wrong path. 
If you continuously do the same thing you’ve always done, you will have the same kind of experiences and people in your life over and over again.
If you want to change your life and experience something new, try choosing something that is different from your old pattern.

While making a choice you can always think “if I choose this, the instant consequences are… and the consequences in the long run are…”.  You can also think  about the effect of the possible choice on the people around yourself or even on a larger perspective. For example; if I quit smoking today, among the instant consequences will be that I will save money, my breath or clothes won’t smell like smoke anymore, bit by bit I will feel better and breathe more freely.  In the long run I will be more likely to avoid lung cancer. At work my boss and my colleagues will be happy as I won’t take cigarette breaks anymore…etc. 

The more positive meanings you can find for a certain choice, the more likely you are making the right choice. Making good choices will make you feel better and the quality of your life will improve. The more positive you decide to feel about different things and people, the better and more pleasant your days will be. You choose.

I wish you a great day and good choices! 


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