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Stuck in the past?

17.01.2019 14.23
I’m pretty sure everyone knows someone who continuously lives in the past. Most of us have probably had at least a short period of time in our lives where we’ve spent time dwelling in the past. But why do some people get stuck and stay stuck in the past easier than the others?

A friend of mine suggested I write about this so here are some of my thoughts on the topic.

Some people may choose to live in the past because they find it easier staying there; that way they don’t have to take responsibility for their lives in the present moment. Everything about their lives can be explained like: ”I cannot succeed in my life because I had a difficult childhood and my parents ruined my life.” Or: ”My ex cheated on me. I can’t even imagine being in a relationship as I can’t trust anyone ever again. All men/women are crap.”  If we really want, our past will offer us excuses to avoid pretty much everything. Things simply can’t work now as we have had a difficult past and nothing ever worked out before.

In a way it’s also safe to live in the past. When you concentrate on what you had in the past, you’re likely to manifest the same things into your life again and again, and this way you know more or less what to expect. No surprises. When you don’t try anything new, there’s also less chances for disappointments.

Many get empathy, pity and caring from people around them as they repeat their sad story over and over again. Well, this surely is one way to try to get some attention. Usually people who practically live out of the attention they get for their pain and agony, aren’t very anxious to change their lives. This is because if they suddenly did feel better, they might lose all the attention they get while they’re miserable.

Some people seem to believe that the best time of their life was already somewhere in the past. Over the years I’ve heard so many people around me say something like: ”My best years where back when I was young...”   With that kind of attitude life at the current moment or in the future doesn’t seem too compelling, does it? Personally, I like to think my best years are yet to come. That’s what keeps me going.

Clinging on to the past can be a conscious choise. We have to accept the fact that some people just don’t want to see the possibility to change their life. We can’t help anyone or push them to change against their own will. But luckily it’s possible, even probable, that many people who dwell in the past, just haven’t realised yet that it’s all up to them. We all have the power to make what ever we want of our lives. And it’s possible to get help for doing that.

It’s never too late to change the direction of your life. You can take control and be in charge of your own life. You can decide to look at the events of your life from a different perspective and that’s when everything changes. They say you can’t change the past. But you surely can change the way you look at and interpret your past. Giving a new empowering meaning to the past events will create a major change in your life.

Do you feel as if you’re stuck in your past? Would you like to let go and move on to the next level? If you feel like you could use some inspiration, try reading some books on people who have succeeded in life in spite of their miserable background. Or maybe you know someone like that personally? Try talking to them and ask how they did it. You may get inspiration and momentum for your own change as you notice that there actually are people around you who have managed to change their lives and this isn’t just an urban legend.

You can also try to think how you could give a new positive meaning to the events of your past. For example when I was young, I suffered a lot because my mother was so demanding. Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. I constantly felt overwhelmed and unworthy even though I always did my best. Only when I was already an adult, I realised that it’s exactly because of my mother’s behaviour towards me that I am the determined and achieving person that I am today. Right then and there my misery from the past turned into a resource of power. The good news is you can do this too! We all have the ability to transform the shadows from our past into positive knowledge that we can use now and in the future.

When you are ready to move on from the past and start planning on your compelling future, you can get help and support on this process for example from a life coach. Even a few coaching sessions can be a remarkable help. If you think you need to explore and work on your past more before concentrating on your future, or you feel as if you don’t have enough resources to go on, you might want to work with a therapist.

We all need help or support sometimes. Just like you may plan your routine for working out at the gym together with a personal trainer, it’s equally smart to ask help from a life coach or therapist with making changes and planning your life. 

It’s never too late to become happy. It’s never too late to gain a happy past. What if you started living the best time of your life right now? The decision is yours. 

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